101 Ways To Know Your Software Project Is Doomed

I am putting my top 25 from the list here, but I hope this handy little guide holds no truth for your current project(s):

My favorites

1. Management has renamed its Waterfall process to Agile Waterfall
2. You start hiring consultants so they can take the blame
3. Continuous Integration server returns error message “Screw it, I give up”
4. Your source code control system is a series of folders on a shared drive
5. Allocated QA time is for Q and A why your crap is broken
6. All of your requirements are written on a used cocktail napkin
7. You start considering a new job so you don’t have to maintain the application you are building
8. Ever iteration meeting starts with “Do you want the good news or the bad news…”
9. Progress is now measured by the number of fixed bugs and not completed features
10. You are friends with the janitor
11. The SCRUM master doesn’t really care what you did yesterday or what you will do today
12. You do not understand the acronyms DRY, YAGNI, or KISS; but you do understand WTF, PHB, and FUBAR
13. Your manager could be replaced by an email redirection batch file
14. Your manager thinks ‘Metrics’ is a type of protein drink
15. Project estimates magically match the budget
16. Developers use the excuse of ’self documenting code’ for no comments
17. Your favorite software pattern is God Object
18. You still believe compiling is a form of testing
19. Developers still use Notepad as an IDE
20. Your manager wastes 7 hours a week asking for progress reports (true story)
21. You do not have your own machine and you are not doing pair programming
22. Team Rule - No meetings until 10 AM since we were all here until 2 AM
23. Your team believes ORM is a ‘fad’
24. Your spouse only gets to see you on a webcam
25. The company motto is ‘Do more with less’

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